Elske og være Elske

As high as the moon, so high were my spirits
When you sang out my name
And comin' from you, it was enough just to hear it
Oh, it rang like the bells did today

But even the sturdiest ground
Can shift and can tremble and let us fall down

Kindly unspoken, you showed your emotion
And silence speaks louder than words, oh
It's lucky I'm clever, if I didn't know better
I'd believe only that which I'd heard

In the days of my folly I followed your lead
I did what Simon said to do, yeah
But I won't, won't let melancholy play me for a fool
Oh no, I'm on my way somewhere new, yeah

And as far as your lack of something to say
Well, just to tell me goodbye there was no better way

Kindly unspoken, you showed your emotion
And silence speaks louder than words, oh
It's lucky I'm clever, if I didn't know better
I'd believe only that which I'd heard

Oh baby, don't keep me up till the dawn, no
With those words that keep leading me on
Baby, well, now I know much better
Than to wait for an answer from you, oh

Kindly unspoken, you showed your emotion
And silence speaks louder than words, oh
It's lucky I'm clever, if I didn't know better
I'd believe only that which I'd heard

I have one day left as an unemployed soul!

Well I've only been unemployed for a month but it felt like I've not worked for years. I'm pretty nervous about working at Citibank as a procurement officer. It's not my dream job I was talking about in previous posts, but well this job is still good enough. As expected the interviewers for my dream job rejected me (damn the too outgoing). Told my dad about it and he went all, what's too outgoing! Actually all my friends asked me that too when I told them about it. See, I'm not the only clueless one.

Rachel's been scaring me about working OT (she ends work at 7pm almost everyday), but thankfully my job requires close to nil OT. ((: The department is like seriously in urgent need of manpower 'cos they wanted me to start immediately. The agent told me to start the coming Monday, but she called me back and said the manager wanted me to start this Friday. Weird timing but oh well. I'm just glad that this is a good job in terms of prospects and salary wise.

I really recommend Kelly Services as the ideal recruitment agency. I met up with two agents and both were really sincere in matching the most ideal jobs to my own aims and goals.

Take Recruit Express as a comparison. Well I told every single agent from RE who called me that I want a job in a financial institute, no call center jobs, monthly expectation SGD1600, only contract or perm job, and location wise best to be at central area. Actually all these were stated in the email that I sent my CV with. But apparently none of them reads email. 9 out of 10 came back with temp jobs, salary ranging from SGD6.50/hr to SGD7.00/hr. Like hello! That's less than SGD1300 per month. And the jobs offered were not attractive at all, its very basic jobs that seriously do not need a Diploma for it. One agent made me go down to the office on a Saturday, and after filling in their application form, she basically said I'm done there and could leave. She didn't really bother to ask me what exactly do I seek for in a job, or go through my CV with me. Then she called me up and said, "can you send me a detailed CV? with your detailed job scopes and all?" I was irritated 'cos first she made me go all the way down on a damn Saturday just to fill in an application form, then she obviously didn't read my CV beforehand and needed me to do up a detailed CV when I already wrote all the details in the application form. I felt cheated, like I was tricked into going down to serve as a lead instead. Another agent from RE called me and after I rejected the jobs she offered (call center and temp admin salary SGD6.50/hr), she said, "you are very fussy hor!" Seriously! What kind of attitude was that? These agents are supposed to go all the way out to match suitable job openings to the job seeker's requirements, not push whatever job available to the seeker and try to force it down his/her throat. I don't mean to boycott Recruit Express, but after so many interactions with tons of agents there, well let's just say I'll never approach them again unless they have a really attractive job position.

Now to Kelly Services. I submitted my CV online for a job opening, and Stephanie from KS called me regarding my CV. She asked questions like "so you're staying in AMK, I believe central area should be convenient for you?" , "why are you interested in the finance industry?", then she went on to introduce her job opening and asked if I'm okay with it, and when asked about the salary, she told me not to worry the company is willing to meet my expectations. All these meant that she read through the CV I'd submitted and made an effort to match a suitable job. I proceeded to meet up with Stephanie at the International Plaza's branch. Stephanie seemed nervous, maybe she's new, I have no idea. But she managed to give me detailed information about the job scope. Then she referred me to her manager, Sara, who sat me down and asked me what are my goals and aims, and how this job they have would be suitable for me. She went the extra mile of finding out my personal ambitions which I think is really good 'cos that way, she'll know what type of jobs to offer me in order to help me achieve my ambitions. We communicated on a very personal level, which helps her tap into my needs and wants for a job.

There was another agent from KS whom I didn't meet face to face but corresponded through phone calls. She's Dan Lin, and she is one excellent agent. She was the one with my dream job on hand. She's very hyped up about the job she has, and after hearing what I have to say, she told me that this job is definitely a good catch (which it is!) and that if I'm serious about the finance industry, the job would definitely be the right move 'cos it has great prospects. Since the job was so great, there really wasn't any need to "advertise" the job to me. But what she offered me was great service and support. Like before going for the first round of interview, I emailed her 'cos I was nervous and wanted to know what kind of questions may be asked etc. She replied promptly and was also very helpful. Also I had to wait rather long to hear back from the company itself, but Dan Lin called me from time to time to let me know she's on it and would keep me updated. I asked her if she had other jobs open, and maybe she could see if there's others that's suitable 'cos my hopes for landing the job was minimal. She actually told me to wait for my dream job, and that she has other admin jobs but they're not as good 'cos there's no prospects, they're not in the finance industry and the salary's only SGD1500. From this, I knew that she's sincere in helping me seek what I want, and not push what she has to me.

To conclude, Kelly Services is the way to go. (: Recruit Express, who cares if others voted you as No.1 recruitment agency? Maybe you fill jobs fast, but with that attitude and poor service, I'd rather pass.

So you people out there, if you meet recruitment agents who tries to persuade you to take on a job that does not meet your expectations, tell them to get the hell out 'cos you deserve to get what you want in life. For me, even if it means waiting a month for that perfect or ideal job to come by, I'd still wait 'cos right now I am not that in need of money to betray myself yet. My mum was nagging at me to get a job for so damn long, but I ignored her 'cos I knew that I sooner or later I'll get the job I want, not some random job I am forced to take on. What for take on a role that you don't enjoy, and won't benefit you in terms or your goals in life? That's self-torture ain't it? Patience is the way to go. Remember, patience does pay off. ((:










It's lucky I'm clever; if I didn't know better, I'd believe only that which I'd heard.

I just got back from my primary school gathering. They've promoted my rank to that of a regular. I remembered giving all sorts of excuses to skip those gatherings back in secondary school days. Just felt weird meeting up with them when at that point in time; I had my own life and friends, and just didn't bother looking back at all. But then everything changed when they organized a Xmas outing two years ago. I decided to risk it and attend the outing, thinking that if everything goes wrong at least I had a SOS helpline to call as I had other plans as well. But things turned out really fine. Everyone was delighted to see each other, and all of them were teasing me for being MIA throughout the years. We talked very little about our present lives but spent hours catching up on the good old days. Since then on, I told myself to make an effort to attend the gatherings 'cos its what keeps us all together.

Through the months, I met up with cw (my primary school table partner) often, and we hung out pretty much. So when we attend the gatherings tgt, it feels more natural, like there isn't that awkwardness present cos after all I'm like super familiar with cw. And today's gathering was what the rest claimed as the most productive one so far: we reconstructed our primary six's seating arrangement! Hey it was a tough job alright cos bear in mind that we lost touch with more than a couple of mates and our memory is failing us as well so it was a huge task. But its sad as well cos a couple of bad stuff happened to our batch: one classmate committed suicide in secondary school over a failed relationship, one smart kid was jailed for tapping into a private network, one athlete got a kidney disease and had to stop all sports... These meet ups serve as a wake up call, telling you hey this is reality, stop living in your dreams, nasty stuff do happen alright.

I guess I'm lucky to have a bunch of friends from all the way back in primary to keep ourselves in check 'cos every time we meet up, we go through the whole  digging up the past dirt on each other process. It kinda keeps me grounded 'cos they were the ones who saw me growing up and spent my childhood with. It's like, hey you've grown up and changed but you know that you brought some part of that small little girl with you all the way till today and it's this part that keeps you sane.

Next outing with them would be sometime near national day if cw can make it cos we're gonna have steamboat at his house. And the rest are talking about bringing the old school pictures and the newspaper article that has our class featured in it (we climbed onto the teacher's table and stuck up our thumbs 'cos the newspaper was called "大拇指"  aka thumb) . Oh the shame!

Say Anna and Clarinda rocks!

Well we completed the super duper long walk (about 10-11km) at Macritchie Reservoir Park in 3.5 hrs! Hey it wasn't all proper pavements and nice roads alright! Half the time we were walking through the "forest", with rocky trails that I almost slipped on quite a couple of times. And there was this whole stretch of steps that were never-ending. Throughout the journey, Anna kept saying, "I'm so proud of you Clarinda, you don't know how proud of you I am." And I went, "I'm super proud of you too Anna." We repeated this dialogue a couple of times, in an attempt to motivate each other to carry on. But it is really relaxing to simply walk through the park and gaze at the waters, and the golf course. It felt like we weren't in Singapore. (:

I met up with Rachel for dinner today! Haven't seen her in a pretty long while 'cos she's always doing OT. And she's always sick! She's currently pretty weak, having gastric problems, and was recently hospitalised. I was telling her, "the hospital's like your yearly detox retreat; every time you enter you come out losing so much weight!" Yeah this wasn't her first hospitalisation. But she's currently on TCM, so hopefully her health would recuperate.

On to my raw diet, I've decided that being about 50 to 70% raw is good enough for me now. So I would normally go raw for my first 2 meals, and eat a cooked dinner 'cos most of the times I would be out. It just makes things easier for me, and I won't feel like I'm deprived of my food. Today I had a green smoothie (Banana with leafy greens) and a salad (mixed lettuce, capsicum, lady finger, cherry tomatoes, lemon juice as dressing). Did you know you can eat lady fingers raw? Bet you didn't. Well it actually tasted super good raw! Very crunchy! I told a couple of friends about this raw diet thing, and all of them went ewww! Guess I'm a veggie  and fruit lover by nature so it's not that a turn off for me.

Did you know when I was young, I refused to eat chicken and pork? When I came to Singapore, under the care of my grandparents and aunty, I was made to eat them. I'm okay with chicken now but I  still can't do them steamed 'cos I really hate the skin and the fat underneath it. As for pork, I always tell my friends I'm halal (its a harmless joke). You see, I love the organs: the liver, kidney, stomach, intestines...I loved them so much that I called my mum up when I was in Shanghai for the recipe to delicious liver with spring onion and ginger. But I can't stand the meat itself. It has such a foul taste! Guess my taste buds are tilted more towards veggies. Though I do have a weakness for seafood and beef. And I'm a Buddhist! Yes I've sinned. Well I do ask for forgiveness at times... (:

In my previous post, I wrote something about the raw food diet. Well, I went to Fairprice to stock up on fruits and salad. Got a bunch of bananas, strawberries, blueberries, cherry tomatoes, capsicums (aka green pepper, yellow pepper and red pepper), and lettuce mix.

Yesterday I was about 50% raw. Had a green smoothie that consisted of banana, broccoli, cauliflower and blueberries. Yes the veggies are uncooked and all blended in my food processor. It tasted pretty good actually! (: Since I woke up pretty late, I skipped breakfast and went straight to lunch which was a platter of sliced capsicums, cherry tomatoes and blueberries. I loved it. But dinner was cooked 'cos I was out. So that's my bad.

I think it's harder to go raw in Asian countries that say in the States 'cos it's not socially accepted to eat your daily veggies raw. There's always that stereotype that all food has to be properly cooked before consumption. Which is in fact a very wrong statement. Most veggies are better off eaten raw than cooked, with the exception of certain foods like carrots, potatoes etc. And you certainly can't find stores selling raw food unless you're looking at a fruit grocer.

As usual I woke up late today, so lunch was a platter of blueberries, strawberries and cherry tomatoes, as well as a green smoothie (banana, lettuce mix, cabbage, tomato). The smoothie really doesn't taste bad at all 'cos the banana taste covers up the rest pretty well. Basically you can make a green smoothie with any fruit and veggie in your fridge. So you can try it out at home with your fave food.

Dinner shall be capsicum, lettuce mix and tomatoes with a green smoothie. Have yet to decide what innovative ingredients to include in the smoothie. But damn, I'm smelling my grandma's cooking as I'm typing now! No, hold it in girl, hold it in. Hahah

Anw if I eat only sweet fruits and normal veggies, I won't be getting much fat which may not be a good thing at all. So I've decided to take my fat intake as my last meal. I'm planning to source my fat intake from avocados but the last time I went, Fairprice was out of them. So I'm eating a small bagel with cheese spread instead. I told you I'm not completely raw yet! So don't go pointing fingers at me! But I'll be good and go grocery shopping soon, like maybe in the later part of today.

Tomorrow is a BIG day! I'm meeting Anna (we are so breaking that once-a-year tradition) for a 7-10km treetop walk at the Macritchie Reservoir! I'm super excited for it 'cos it'll be the longest walk ever in my almost 20 years of life. The longest had always been cross-country (3.2km). Of course this does not include shopping trips where I'm sure I walked a hell lot but had no way to keep count of.

I'm downloading a hell lot of songs so I decided to clear my laptop of unneeded data. Then I came across an adobe file that says:

"Laselle Arts Management Programme
Marketing & Communications in the Arts
Principles of Marketing
Semester 1, 2007
Lecturer: Mary Loh"

I was thinking, "I'm not even in Laselle, how on earth did I get this file! But I did do Principles of Marketing as a module in school...Hmmm..." Still can't figure where I got the file from.

In case you people are wondering how my Citibank 2nd round of interview went, DON'T ASK. I don't wanna jinx it 'cos I'm so sure it's gonna be bad. For one, the 2 interviewers actually felt I'm TOO OUTGOING! Can you believe it? There's such a thing as too outgoing? Apparently, Pau also got that from a previous interviewer. I'm sure if I wasn't in an Asian country, or maybe if I was a foreign national (read: Caucasian) going for the exact same interview, I might have been deemed as people-orientated, good communication skills, self confident etc, you know somewhere along that line. But too outgoing?! I didn't even do anything out of the ordinary. Did they expect me to be a nervous wreck, and stammer when speaking? Or did they want somebody who remained silent in the interview? Or maybe somebody who don't seem enthusiastic about the job at all? I seriously can't figure what exactly I did to be deemed as too outgoing. Don't ever say I'm too outgoing to my face or i'll start killing people. Damn. Too outgoing. Crap.

I went for the Citibank interview today! But I won't know the results yet. So everyone please pray for me, and hope that I land the job 'cos it's like my dream job. ((:

I'm gonna reject NUS, and defer all my Australia universities offer till July 2010 so I've got time to save up and you know, hope that luck changes along the way. Yeah having faith is the way to go. 'Cos after all, I'll still graduate earlier by taking a 1.5yr course in Oz next year than a 3-4yr full-time private uni course or govt uni course in Singapore this year. (:

I did a major cleaning of my inbox today. Read through all my emails from friends, family... And deleted tons of news articles that my dad spams me with everyday. Can you believe I had 850 unread emails, and a total of 1459 emails before I cleared my inbox? Now I'm down to 62 unread emails and a total of 305 emails. Can't bear to delete my past emails from like years back 'cos each email holds a memory in my heart. But I made sure I cleared all my emails regarding the darn projects back in NP. Not gonna miss those times man.

Clearing those emails was like a therapy for the soul; throwing out the unwanted trash, going over the good times and memories, renewing the joy of being loved and cared about, especially when I was in Denmark/Shanghai and those I loved sent me long loving emails. Everyone should prolly do this once in awhile. That's if you have nice emails to read in the first place. Hah. I do the same stuff to all my letters/cards/notes back from secondary school days. Only difference is I never throw them out. Each one is kept neatly in a box, hidden somewhere in my closet.

I miss the excitement of opening a letter. Yes I am a very letter kinda girl. I think one of the sweetest things a guy can do is a do up a really sincere love letter, filled with all sorts of corny and mushy words, oh and it must be long (like pages long!) and drop it off in her letterbox instead of sending it through post. Of cos the whole issue of "when" is very important as well, like you know it must really come as a huge surprise, and preferably filled with stuff the guy don't normally express in everyday life.

Sometimes I feel that I like the courting period more than the whole being tgt period. 'Cos everything's all sugared up, and you receive all the love notes, the special attention. I would say I prefer romance rather than a relationship. Does it make sense? Guess it does to me. Oh well.

I had a fleeting memory of being at Nebo cafe with Mama, Pau and UK. Think we were talking about who's being the dominating one in a relationship. I was saying something like I would wanna be the dominating one, and UK, who didn't even know me well then 'cos I think we'd only met for at most 3 times, said that he's pretty sure my future partner would be the dominating one instead. At that time, I was like "HUH! Really?", but now I figured that he's right about this man. 'Cos being with BK, I was pretty much wearing the pants in the relationship, and after a while it got tiresome. Like I felt more like a mum than a gf 'cos I gotta worry about him ever so often with him always doing stupid stuff and getting into trouble. I guess I wanted someone to care and protect me back, someone who is able to lookout for himself, who knows what he wants in life. I want somebody who can say "Hey I know what I'm doing. Things will be fine. Just leave it to me." And I want to be able to fully trust that person when he says that.






Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself from saying something I should have never thought

My mum just told me that my entire paternal family would be back for Chinese New Year next year, something that has never happened before in all my 20 years of life! The restaurant back in Denmark will then be closed for a month. Oh btw, this includes my dad coming back, finally after 8 years since the last visit. Wonder how my younger siblings are gonna react to living with him. After all, my dad's like a stranger to them. Only gotten slightly better now that we're web-caming.

But I'm glad he's back for CNY. 'Cos I'm so sick of all the damn gossips amongst all my relatives; the fucked up bitches who enjoy passing sarcastic remarks about how my dad must be having an affair outside etc etc. I even have neighbours coming up to me and asking about my father, and giving their own worthless comments on how they are certain he's unfaithful and what's not. I can't stand all these crap from them, imagine how my mum would feel.

Every time during festive seasons, they'll spoil the entire mood with their damn words; we  can only give a tight smile and a nod here and then, the find some excuse to get away from them. And come next year, they'll suck up to my dad when he's around, you can totally trust me on this man. 'Cos everyone thinks that working overseas equates to being rich. What fucked up rubbish. Stupid superficial relatives. Tell me again, why do we need them in our lives? So they can step on us when our lives are down? Hmmm.

Btw, the relatives I was referring to were those on my mum's side, like my maternal grandaunts, especially them man. There's one whom we always call "shortie" cos she's so damn short. Well at least she makes up for her lack of height with her extra huge mouth. Oops was I being a bitch? (: She prolly deserves it. Hah.

Mummy must be so happy and excited that my dad's coming back in a matter of months! ((: Heard that the purpose of this family reunion is to hold a family meeting. Sounds like we're in some serial drama where the sons all return to fight for their inheritance. Don't think that will be the case, and even if it is, it won't affect my family 'cos we've always been out of that whole drama shit. But one good thing that may come out of this is the settlement of the house. We'll see.

On a lighter note, I've finally found the one show I've always wanted to watch a rerun of. It's called The Unbroken Cycle. It's a chinese drama serial that starred Fann Wong and Thomas Ong, about their tragic past lives all linked to this antique mirror. In their past lives, they were lovers who were unable to lead a "happily ever after" live together. Now in present day, both Thomas and Fann came upon the mirror and fell in love with it. Strange things started happening, their past lives haunting them till they eventually found each other.

The show was aired in 1996, and it left a strong impression on me through these years. I couldn't remember the title but could vividly remember the storyline. It made me believe that true love will come knocking one day, and that there is such a thing as a destined one. Anw, I've been waiting for a rerun of it for so long but it never happened. And now I found it on www.56.com ! ((: I'm watching it alongside One Tree Hill which is yet another amazing show that proves there's such a thing as a destined one in your live (in the case of Peyton and Lucas).







You know that you are miserable when you longer believe in Love.